Dreams lately have been thick and fast. Many times living with Mother, and Richard is there. I'm sure I have more to add to this one.
Torture dreams. I dream I'm being tortured by small group of people. I'm restrained and partially blinded.
Sunday, August 04, 2013
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Recent Dream: Caught In Drag
Recent dream. I was at some sort of party at a bar or club. Light-colored walls, some purple/blue lighting. Apparently I was in drag, or trying to pass as a woman. In walks Deana Eaton who recognizes me. I feel totally embarrassed. I've had this dream at least twice. This one stands out, as I've had dreams of being in drag, but never 'caught' or embarrassed. I've never done drag in real life, so I don't see how this jives with waking life.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Note On Sleep Habits
For the past several months my sleep schedule has been relatively consistent. About 30 hours up, 30 hours down. Sometimes down more. This is probably due to stress and depression over my breakup and total separation from Jacob, depression in general and not having taken my testosterone in months.
Travelling Restaurant
Part of what must have been a larger dream. Was walking east on 21st street from Harvard to Yale, on the north side of the road. I was having a hard time walking; stumbling, etc. Came upon a restaurant sort of parked in front of the IPE building on the west end. It was small and pink. Apparently I collapse on a long bench positioned behind a wood and glass partition. It was situated so that no one could sit on the bench, but could lie across the seats. Some time passes before an employee wakes me. I ask for a soda and a cigarette. They offer me something to eat and seat me at a circular booth at the very back, where I could smoke. I look up at a built-in light fixture in the shape of a large spiral set into the ceiling.
I then notice that the restaurant is moving, like some sort of huge RV. Apparently it travels around town, picking up patrons, dropping them off after they dine. Through all of this I am in distress. Like a really bad Addisonian day. I remember them dropping me off at the corner of 21st and Vandalia, but everyone was driving on the left, so I was dropped off on the north side of 21st in front of Vandalia.
I make it to the house, but I can't recall what happens next... something about walking to QT for cigarettes, but that's what I've been thinking about in waking life.
I then notice that the restaurant is moving, like some sort of huge RV. Apparently it travels around town, picking up patrons, dropping them off after they dine. Through all of this I am in distress. Like a really bad Addisonian day. I remember them dropping me off at the corner of 21st and Vandalia, but everyone was driving on the left, so I was dropped off on the north side of 21st in front of Vandalia.
I make it to the house, but I can't recall what happens next... something about walking to QT for cigarettes, but that's what I've been thinking about in waking life.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Father & Distant Event
This is sort of in bits and pieces, trying to remember from last night. With my father in present day going to some event that I'm unhappy about. Was far away from home. Felt like I was still living with Mother, but visiting father. Slept the night in some sort of stone cave directly on the curved floor. Woke up and got ready. Remembered medications. Father first sent me on a small excursion riding some sort of sliding/flying device. On returning I had to break some piece of electronic equipment upon 'landing', but I had to do it correctly. All of this at very high speed.
At some sort of school, studying surrounding inclement weather. Father and former step-mother were there, but not with me. After socializing a bit with some people studying the bad weather, I get impatient because I cannot find my father so we can leave. Other people keep clearing out and leaving, as I am left alone. After a lot of hunting I find him and chew him out for leaving me alone, which I apparently did in front of his superior or boss, which in turn embarrasses him. He is angry about this, but I don't know to what extent until a car pulls up, he gets in, closes the door and it races off, leaving me alone, at night in a nearly empty parking lot. I start to try to find a way 'home', whether it be with my father, or home as in my real home. I remember talking to Jacob on the phone. He offers to pick me up and take me home, but for some reason I say that I'm going to be okay. I say this, but I don't have a cellphone of any kind. I walk past a closed strip bar to some sort of all-night market. I ask the girls behind the counter for help. Somehow I have my father's watch which eventually gives me a message from him saying that he was pissed off and had the car leave me behind, but I could walk home within ten blocks or so, but at this point I realize that this all-night market was on some sort of train, and that I had traveled far from where I started from, so the ten blocks turned into a much longer distance.
At some sort of school, studying surrounding inclement weather. Father and former step-mother were there, but not with me. After socializing a bit with some people studying the bad weather, I get impatient because I cannot find my father so we can leave. Other people keep clearing out and leaving, as I am left alone. After a lot of hunting I find him and chew him out for leaving me alone, which I apparently did in front of his superior or boss, which in turn embarrasses him. He is angry about this, but I don't know to what extent until a car pulls up, he gets in, closes the door and it races off, leaving me alone, at night in a nearly empty parking lot. I start to try to find a way 'home', whether it be with my father, or home as in my real home. I remember talking to Jacob on the phone. He offers to pick me up and take me home, but for some reason I say that I'm going to be okay. I say this, but I don't have a cellphone of any kind. I walk past a closed strip bar to some sort of all-night market. I ask the girls behind the counter for help. Somehow I have my father's watch which eventually gives me a message from him saying that he was pissed off and had the car leave me behind, but I could walk home within ten blocks or so, but at this point I realize that this all-night market was on some sort of train, and that I had traveled far from where I started from, so the ten blocks turned into a much longer distance.
Artificial England Sex
By myself, in England, in a suburban neighborhood. On foot. Everything seems to be artificial, like a movie set. I walk through the neighborhood, where there are virtually no people. At some point I enter a home, uninvited. No one there at first, but I find a cute guy in a back bedroom and start to roll into bed with him, groping him, with little resistance from the stranger until what appears to be his mother enters the adjoining room, asking for him. I leave.
At some sort of school with Jacob. We are there as visitors, but are there to participate. We are separated into different classes. In my class at some point I answer the teacher and stand up on a counter, walking along it to retrieve something from the teacher, then I return to my seat in front of the counter. Another instructor enters, wearing some sort of character costume. I ask him a question, and am asked to be quiet for a moment. There is some talk between the teachers, and I am 'magically' entered into some sort of shop, where I run around in search of some particular goal, which is located in the ceiling. Along the way I grab a soccer jersey from a rack of others and have a distinct smell of something very strong and biting. I enter a small storage room, up a small set of wooden steps, to a trap door in the ceiling, above which is a small area stuffed with advertisements and flyers, reams of them in assorted colors and designs. I somehow get word that I'm close, but not quite at my goal.
Suddenly I am in some sort of enormous warehouse that has been transformed into a movie-set-like demonstration area, but with various vignettes, some like department stores, grocery stores, some like dioramas of army set-ups. Convoluted partitions and demarkated areas separate them. There are other people there, but they are fake. I can say or do anything and there are no consequences. After some exploration my eventual motivation is sex. I walk up to a man working on a construction area. He is wearing some sort of plastic/PVC work gear. As I walk up to him I say something and start to piss all over him. His reaction was to simply let me do this. I then find another area where two naked men are having oral sex in front of a white, plastic wall. One man is standing while the other is on his knees sucking the guy's dick. I slightly push away the guy on his knees, and start to grope and kiss the standing man. He resists slightly, but allows me to go on, as though he is instructed to allow me to do what I want, regardless of what he personally feels. I walk over to one of the army-demo areas and see a row of ropes hanging in front of a sort of stage. As I pull down on the ropes, naked men appear out of thin air in suggestive positions as though inviting me to approach and have my way with them. Upon pulling some ropes there are women, and sometimes nothing happens at all. I sort of go on a free-for-all, approaching and doing whatever I want to whoever I want. At some point I am stopped by a phone call from Jacob. Reality sets in. I say I'm doing something wholly other than what is really going on. I feel guilty and quickly get off the phone.
Last scene: Just outside the enormous warehouse there is a diorama-like army set-up. Trucks in various positions. Strewn about the ground are squeeze bottles full, half-full, empty with some bright colored liquid. Bright pinks, greens, yellows, blues. They seem very cartoon-like. I approach the driver's side of one of the trucks and sit down in the seat. In the passenger seat is an army-type guy in camouflage, but with somewhat short shorts. He has very nice legs. Around the floorboard are more of these squeeze bottles. I look over to the army guy; I don't really see his face, but I notice his body, particularly his hairless somewhat tanned legs. I get flushed and want to touch his thighs. He is stroking his thighs in anticipation. The army guy then grabs one of the squeeze bottles and squirts a large amount of the contents all over me; mostly my chest, crotch and legs. The liquid is very thick, viscous, like some sort of uber-lube. I'm half-shocked, but highly aroused. He then comes over to my side of the truck and lies on top of me, and begins to rub his entire body against mine. Essentially it was frottage with colored motor oil.
Black out.
At some sort of school with Jacob. We are there as visitors, but are there to participate. We are separated into different classes. In my class at some point I answer the teacher and stand up on a counter, walking along it to retrieve something from the teacher, then I return to my seat in front of the counter. Another instructor enters, wearing some sort of character costume. I ask him a question, and am asked to be quiet for a moment. There is some talk between the teachers, and I am 'magically' entered into some sort of shop, where I run around in search of some particular goal, which is located in the ceiling. Along the way I grab a soccer jersey from a rack of others and have a distinct smell of something very strong and biting. I enter a small storage room, up a small set of wooden steps, to a trap door in the ceiling, above which is a small area stuffed with advertisements and flyers, reams of them in assorted colors and designs. I somehow get word that I'm close, but not quite at my goal.
Suddenly I am in some sort of enormous warehouse that has been transformed into a movie-set-like demonstration area, but with various vignettes, some like department stores, grocery stores, some like dioramas of army set-ups. Convoluted partitions and demarkated areas separate them. There are other people there, but they are fake. I can say or do anything and there are no consequences. After some exploration my eventual motivation is sex. I walk up to a man working on a construction area. He is wearing some sort of plastic/PVC work gear. As I walk up to him I say something and start to piss all over him. His reaction was to simply let me do this. I then find another area where two naked men are having oral sex in front of a white, plastic wall. One man is standing while the other is on his knees sucking the guy's dick. I slightly push away the guy on his knees, and start to grope and kiss the standing man. He resists slightly, but allows me to go on, as though he is instructed to allow me to do what I want, regardless of what he personally feels. I walk over to one of the army-demo areas and see a row of ropes hanging in front of a sort of stage. As I pull down on the ropes, naked men appear out of thin air in suggestive positions as though inviting me to approach and have my way with them. Upon pulling some ropes there are women, and sometimes nothing happens at all. I sort of go on a free-for-all, approaching and doing whatever I want to whoever I want. At some point I am stopped by a phone call from Jacob. Reality sets in. I say I'm doing something wholly other than what is really going on. I feel guilty and quickly get off the phone.
Last scene: Just outside the enormous warehouse there is a diorama-like army set-up. Trucks in various positions. Strewn about the ground are squeeze bottles full, half-full, empty with some bright colored liquid. Bright pinks, greens, yellows, blues. They seem very cartoon-like. I approach the driver's side of one of the trucks and sit down in the seat. In the passenger seat is an army-type guy in camouflage, but with somewhat short shorts. He has very nice legs. Around the floorboard are more of these squeeze bottles. I look over to the army guy; I don't really see his face, but I notice his body, particularly his hairless somewhat tanned legs. I get flushed and want to touch his thighs. He is stroking his thighs in anticipation. The army guy then grabs one of the squeeze bottles and squirts a large amount of the contents all over me; mostly my chest, crotch and legs. The liquid is very thick, viscous, like some sort of uber-lube. I'm half-shocked, but highly aroused. He then comes over to my side of the truck and lies on top of me, and begins to rub his entire body against mine. Essentially it was frottage with colored motor oil.
Black out.
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Two Small, Violent Dreams
Two dreams from two small sleeping sessions.
One: Some sort of church hall. Rick Snyder is with me and is overgrown. He threatens and comes after me witth three different implements. He tosses me one to defend myself with. It is knife-like dagger with an upturned tip. He charges at me time after time, but each time I try to stab him it doesn't penetrate. People linger, walk in and out. At one poiint Pope Jean Paul II walks in, doesn't see me or Rick, but the pope's presense enrages Rick and he continues charging at me. I'm never able to stab him.
Two: Living with Father. It's very dark everywhere. Apparently I have to pack to move and my stuff is hidden everywhere. I have a deadline of 4:40. He is heavily physically abusive. He hits me every time I do something wrong, or not to his liking. I then recoil and cower, slinking over to finish the task. Note: This is the closest I've had to a black and white dream. It was in color, but the saturation was very low. I've heard that black and white dreams are common, but have never experienced it myself.
One: Some sort of church hall. Rick Snyder is with me and is overgrown. He threatens and comes after me witth three different implements. He tosses me one to defend myself with. It is knife-like dagger with an upturned tip. He charges at me time after time, but each time I try to stab him it doesn't penetrate. People linger, walk in and out. At one poiint Pope Jean Paul II walks in, doesn't see me or Rick, but the pope's presense enrages Rick and he continues charging at me. I'm never able to stab him.
Two: Living with Father. It's very dark everywhere. Apparently I have to pack to move and my stuff is hidden everywhere. I have a deadline of 4:40. He is heavily physically abusive. He hits me every time I do something wrong, or not to his liking. I then recoil and cower, slinking over to finish the task. Note: This is the closest I've had to a black and white dream. It was in color, but the saturation was very low. I've heard that black and white dreams are common, but have never experienced it myself.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Cheating & Skeezy
Dream: Jacob and I are together, as in real life. He's thinner, and looking a little bad. He has obviously taken speed, and is hardly paying any attention to me, despite him being my ride, and that we're at a place he took me to. The place is part business, part residence. What sort of business, I have no idea. Some sort of small shop. The residence takes up more room than the business. The entire place is very dark. Blacks and browns. Dim lighting. No seating. Everyone sits on the floor.
I suspect Jacob is cheating on me, but he comes up with excuse after excuse and finds ways to cover up his misdeeds. He often insults me, right in front of other people. He uses his cellphone constantly, and tries to go to another room for privacy. I keep getting upset, as I have to then deal with the other people there, who apparently don't want anything to do with me.
Eventually I get fed up and say that I'm going to walk home. Somehow I know I'm about two miles from home, but home in this case is 4703. Midway in the dream I realize I live at OES. When I start to leave, Jacob starts to get upset. Not because I'm leaving and he wants me with him, but for some selfish reason I can't recall.
Now it changes a bit. When I step out to walk home I see a police car waiting for me. He doesn't confront me directly, but instead tries to intimidate me by his mere presence. Jump back to the entrance. I try to leave but there are threatening dogs in my path. Police car again. Note: it is night outside. Jump to the entrance again, but I have a motorcycle or some sort of small, speedy golf cart. I drive down a small driveway parallel to the building. Another small vehicle passes by to my right. Jacob is in it, with some skeezy bearded guy. They laugh as I pass by.
Jump back to the interior of the residential part. We're all on the floor and the skeezy guy lies down on top of Jacob, though I didn't see it happen. When I do look, I can't see Jacob. All I see are a pair of severed feet in the position they should be in if Jacob were there. It's like most of Jacob's body 'sunk' into the floor. There really isn't anything sexual about what's happening, but I don't like it.
I eventually make my way past the police car, but then someone, not a policeman, emerges from the car just as I start to hide in some low-lying bushes. There is an orange/yellow glow in front of me. I am hidden in the bushes behind some sort of whitish, fibrous membrane, illuminated by the glow. I pop my head up slightly. The person is just on the other side of the membrane, inches from me. I don't think he notices me, so I lower myself again. But then I hear a voice. I get very scared. I look down at the base of the membrane and the person is poking through it with his fingers. I quietly say something like "don't poke your fingers through it".
At this point things blank out.
I suspect Jacob is cheating on me, but he comes up with excuse after excuse and finds ways to cover up his misdeeds. He often insults me, right in front of other people. He uses his cellphone constantly, and tries to go to another room for privacy. I keep getting upset, as I have to then deal with the other people there, who apparently don't want anything to do with me.
Eventually I get fed up and say that I'm going to walk home. Somehow I know I'm about two miles from home, but home in this case is 4703. Midway in the dream I realize I live at OES. When I start to leave, Jacob starts to get upset. Not because I'm leaving and he wants me with him, but for some selfish reason I can't recall.
Now it changes a bit. When I step out to walk home I see a police car waiting for me. He doesn't confront me directly, but instead tries to intimidate me by his mere presence. Jump back to the entrance. I try to leave but there are threatening dogs in my path. Police car again. Note: it is night outside. Jump to the entrance again, but I have a motorcycle or some sort of small, speedy golf cart. I drive down a small driveway parallel to the building. Another small vehicle passes by to my right. Jacob is in it, with some skeezy bearded guy. They laugh as I pass by.
Jump back to the interior of the residential part. We're all on the floor and the skeezy guy lies down on top of Jacob, though I didn't see it happen. When I do look, I can't see Jacob. All I see are a pair of severed feet in the position they should be in if Jacob were there. It's like most of Jacob's body 'sunk' into the floor. There really isn't anything sexual about what's happening, but I don't like it.
I eventually make my way past the police car, but then someone, not a policeman, emerges from the car just as I start to hide in some low-lying bushes. There is an orange/yellow glow in front of me. I am hidden in the bushes behind some sort of whitish, fibrous membrane, illuminated by the glow. I pop my head up slightly. The person is just on the other side of the membrane, inches from me. I don't think he notices me, so I lower myself again. But then I hear a voice. I get very scared. I look down at the base of the membrane and the person is poking through it with his fingers. I quietly say something like "don't poke your fingers through it".
At this point things blank out.
Yikes! A Year!
I didn't realize it has been a year since I've posted here. Not to say that I've had a lack of dreams worth noting. About to post last night's dream.
Friday, August 28, 2009
A Note
Lately my dreams have been very realistic, despite seeing Mother. Most of the dreams I've had recently are very much linked to the events of the day. When I interact with Mother, I acknowledge that she has passed away, and mention this to her. At one point she rolled her eyes at me when I told her that she had passed.
Also I've been talking so much in my sleep that I wake myself up. Nearly every time I wake up talking I have my arm extended as though I were reaching for something. Also I have been waking up screaming. Almost every night. It seems as though I have a sharp pain in the back of my mouth which triggers the scream. When awake I have absolutely no pain in these areas.
Also I've been talking so much in my sleep that I wake myself up. Nearly every time I wake up talking I have my arm extended as though I were reaching for something. Also I have been waking up screaming. Almost every night. It seems as though I have a sharp pain in the back of my mouth which triggers the scream. When awake I have absolutely no pain in these areas.