Sawhorses

Dream which was part of a larger (and forgotten) dream. I was living at home with Mother and Richard, and Mother said she needed to borrow my checkbook. She needed me to write out a check so she could have some carpenter's sawhorses made that were elongated and painted red, white and blue. Richard was to do the work apparently and said he'd get to it in the next "three thousand hours" (this is what I said in the recording), but five minutes later he was asking for the money to make them.

So we go outside and the sawhorses are already there, painted, laying out on the driveway. I said "This is ridiculous, I'm not paying for this bullshit". Richard starts to get angry while Mother asks me "Why not?". I said "because none of us here are gymnasts, and secondly it's taking up space and thirdly, why don't we grind it all up into mulch and cover up that dirty-ass shit on the ground."

Note: The quotes are directly from the recording. Funny stuff, eh?

Dreamer's Note

Since being put on methadone for pain management, my dreams have been very difficult to remember, even at the moment of waking. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up with it and start documenting dreams again soon. But a good thing has come from it: I've been getting the most restful sleep I've had in years.

Dreamer's Note

Since being put on a new pain medication, I've been having strange dreams, but have not been able to remember them, even at the moment I wake, so I don't even have any recordings. I'm hoping that once I get used to the new medication I'll be able to at least record the dream before getting out of bed. All I can say about my dreams recently is that they were very disjointed and in quick-cut style. Hopefully my next post will be a good recounting of a dream.

To The Funeral...

Was living with Mother; Richard was out of the picture. Apparently a member of the family on Mother's side had passed away, and at a very young age. Four or five. We had to attend a funeral and Brianna went with me, plus a couple of other girls that were friends, but I couldn't make out their faces. Greta Rauch-MacLean was also there, which neither me nor Brianna were happy about, but invited her nonetheless. Also I had a faceless male companion, whom I was apparently dating.

The funeral took place in a colossal high-end shop. In the center of the shop were several unusually shaped tables, arranged as though a restaurant without walls were centered in the shop. On my way to the funeral, I recall petting a golden retriever several times. I saw several family members at this funeral, including Mother.

I don't remember the actual service, but I did at one point ball my eyes out on my way to the funeral. My clothing was inappropriate for the occasion, but it was all I had; I don't recall precisely what I was wearing, but it was not right for the occasion. Everyone else was dressed nicely. Greta wore a ridiculous pink prom dress that looked like a cake. As we all walk towards the funeral, a voice over the loudspeaker system announces that we need to hurry up. We pick up speed, and Greta starts to keep pace with me. For some reason I don't want her near me, so I begin to jog. Greta reacts with a nasty attitude, so stopped and told her right then and there to fuck off. She left fuming. Brianna later tells me in private that she was so angry about it that she put steak in Greta's purse before she left.

More took place in this dream, but I can't remember...

Local Church Gift Shop

Setting: living at the house on Vandalia. I was having to run an errand to drop off a car somewhere west of the house, and had to walk back home. On my walk back, I came across a church. Something told me to go inside, so I did. The main area had no people, but I could hear voices emanating from the back rooms, a casual sermon just wrapping up. The church members were lower-class, but very warm and friendly.

After the sermon was finished, a church member approached, welcomed me to the church, and invited me to take a look at their "gift shop" in the back, which sold various religious items. Rows of tarot cards and holy cards lined one table. On the next table were these strange clip-like items. It was as though three alligator clips were attached to each other with a small chain, to form a Y. I wondered what this was for, so I asked a nearby woman. She replied that the alligator clip configuration was for committing suicide. For some reason I wanted to purchase one.

The shop was full of items I wanted to buy, including one item that stood out. It was a teal-green machine, about the size and shape of one of those Kit-N-Kaboodle makeup boxes. The device's purpose was to "verify" ping pong balls. Working similar to those lotto ping pong ball devices, you would drop in a ball at the top, the ball would spin around inside and be ejected on the side, marked with verification somehow. I wanted to buy this machine, but for some reason didn't.

On the table opposite, there was a kitten sitting all alone. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. In the church, the cat appeared dark grey, but when I got it home (I apparently purchased the kitten), the cat's fur was a deep purple, similar in color and texture to a Crown Royal bag, almost velvety. I remember Mother adoring the cat as much as I did.

Operation Loop

Disturbing and choppy dream. I'm working from memory here, as I was hesitant to record it when I woke, thinking I wouldn't want to remember it.

The most prominent scene I remember, I was living at home with Mother and Richard, and surprisingly, Don Boatman was there (Mother's old ex-boyfriend). I was in real jeopardy, arguing with Mother like nothing I could imagine. She seemed to be drugged up and was trying to impose ridiculous rules on me. I was verbally backed into a corner and schemed how to get myself out of the situation.

At one point I wandered through the house, looking for items to take with me on a walking trip to find help. I grabbed a tray of cookies, and set them down in the bathroom, where Don Boatman followed me. I remember stepping into the shower, which had several filthy shower curtains hung within. I jumped onto the curtain closest to Don, hanging there by my fingernails digging into the plastic. I could see my reflection in the nearby mirror (which is very uncommon for me in dreams). My mouth was like Kali, blood-smeared, and my eyes and lips charcoaled out.

Then the scene jumps to me in the hospital, where I go under total anesthesia for some sort of operation. Upon waking, the nurse fails to disconnect IVs and generally just leaves me in the bed in the same state which I arrived. I managed to get out of bed, searching all over for someone to help me, to remove these IVs, and apparently a catheter, although I didn't see or feel it.

This then looped back to being with Mother, Richard and Don Boatman, where I tried to get back to the hospital for help. I thought my life was in danger, and panicked heavily. Again, I was picking up the tray of cookies, back into the same loop as at the beginning of the dream.

Dreamer's Note

No, I haven't been ignoring my blog, I simply haven't captured any dreams on the voice recorder, and none have been memorable enough to flesh out in a post. I'm considering posting some of the repetitive dreams I have. Since adolescence I've had a set of about twenty or so dreams that repeat at arbitrary intervals, but all with slight changes, sometime character changes. Character changes I believe are significant, as it's often hard for me to discern who I'm with in my dreams. The faces are often fuzzed out, or my field of vision places them just at the peripheral, making identification impossible (especially considering I can't dream lucidly). Characters are often identified through voices, or simply intuition. For me, lucid dreaming isn't possible, but I'm hoping I can eventually get myself to that point.