Into Surgery...

Disturbing, but short, dream about having to go into surgery for some reason. I remember going under anesthesia, then waking up with a large scar under my navel, like a c-section at 90 degrees. After that all I can remember is that I was refused pain medication from everyone. Mother was there, as well as someone else, which may have been Linda Corwin or Marie McFarlane. Eventually I was just walking the halls of the hospital, half-heartedly looking for someone to give me pain medication. At some point I run into Brian Marley (of all people). We talk for a bit. Nothing after that.

Abuse

Now that I've been on Zoloft for a week, I think it's starting to have a serious effect on my dreams. At first I was having a disturbing dream, would wake up, then go back to sleep and have a sexually-charged dream.

Last night was slightly different. This time it was just disturbing. Again, I was travelling, or had travelled, rather, as I didn't spend much time in a vehicle. Either way the disturbing part was the abuse that Richard was directing toward me. I remember him taking away anything I needed, including food and clothes. At one point I realized I didn't have my medication, and we were far from any place that could help me. This made his day. I also remember having to sneak around to try to rewire a telephone that had been pulled from the wall, just in order to attempt to make an emergency call. I remember thinking that if I could only call home (Mother), everything would be okay. I never got away and was never able to reconnect the telephone and make a call before I woke up.

I'm getting really tired of having dreams that feature Richard abusing me. It's just a reminder that my entire relationship with my only brother was an abusive one. In real life it was never physical, though he certainly threatened it, and I wouldn't put it past him to resort to being physical. All the abuse I took from my brother was mental and verbal, both just as bad as physical abuse. I guess there's a part of my brain that wants to confront him about this, but in all reality that is not going to happen. He's no longer family, and the only thing we have in common is that we have the same parents. Honestly, the more I have these dreams, the more angry I am at him for his behavior.

On a loop...

Been having some repetitive dreams recently, mostly of Richard being abusive. No details to pass on, so I'll keep this post short. Strange though, on two occasions, I woke up, grabbed something to drink, then went back to bed and had overtly sexual dreams. But then, I'm starting on Zoloft right now, so it could be that... Who the hell knows?

Dreamless...

Just a 'lil update. I'm not ignoring this blog. I just can't remember any of my dreams recently. Hopefully this will soon change...

Where's The Dream?

Well since I've been back on klonopin, dreams are difficult to recall once I wake up. Last night I did have one where I was at some friendly gathering and Justin Ward was there, but younger than he really is. We kept trying to get alone so we could play around. That's about the extent of what I remember.

So, it's not that I've been lazy or not having dreams. I'm just having difficulty remembering them once I wake up. So keep your eyes peeled for new dreams.

A Comment On Comments...

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