Now that I've been on Zoloft for a week, I think it's starting to have a serious effect on my dreams. At first I was having a disturbing dream, would wake up, then go back to sleep and have a sexually-charged dream.
Last night was slightly different. This time it was just disturbing. Again, I was travelling, or had travelled, rather, as I didn't spend much time in a vehicle. Either way the disturbing part was the abuse that Richard was directing toward me. I remember him taking away anything I needed, including food and clothes. At one point I realized I didn't have my medication, and we were far from any place that could help me. This made his day. I also remember having to sneak around to try to rewire a telephone that had been pulled from the wall, just in order to attempt to make an emergency call. I remember thinking that if I could only call home (Mother), everything would be okay. I never got away and was never able to reconnect the telephone and make a call before I woke up.
I'm getting really tired of having dreams that feature Richard abusing me. It's just a reminder that my entire relationship with my only brother was an abusive one. In real life it was never physical, though he certainly threatened it, and I wouldn't put it past him to resort to being physical. All the abuse I took from my brother was mental and verbal, both just as bad as physical abuse. I guess there's a part of my brain that wants to confront him about this, but in all reality that is not going to happen. He's no longer family, and the only thing we have in common is that we have the same parents. Honestly, the more I have these dreams, the more angry I am at him for his behavior.
